Silent Sentiments

I am really doing nothing much these days… when I was in school, I have always thought that doing nothing is the best thing that could ever happen to someone… in fact, I almost consider it as my favorite hobby in the world. What did Celine Dion said in that song All by myself? Those days are gone…

Why I sound very sentimental and way too-bitter about this doing-nothing-thing, well, I don’t know… maybe I’m desperate to do something…

I can only smile at the thought of sleeping 8 hours or so, and the thought that you will never get anxious in meeting deadlines again…

I am so free of all the tough readings in Philo —twice and thrice of reading, never enough to understand it. I miss all the fun in my Psychology class and all the requirements – pain in the ass!!

But most of all, I miss the fun in doing the hardest thing to do (in the world)…

“School could really make your life miserable but it doubles the fun when you knew you have done well”

I still didn’t get why they want me to handle “it…” of all the good daughters around, why am I so blessed to have parents that literally dictates everything. Sure, I am entitled to become my own person – capable of deciding for myself and act according to my own choosing. And sure, I can refuse. But how long could I hold on to my principles… only God knows… I could not understand why a 21 year old daughter is still treated in reverse – like a 12 year old perhaps? It hurts so bad…just by not having the chance to voice-out what you really felt (no matter how small it is that you have to say)–it’ll drive you crazy!

You wanted to go out but you’re totally fenced…its madness.

"Isipin mo pa rin ang bukas… wag pagapos sa nakaraan. malayo pa ang lalakbayin. maraming batong madaraanan. minsan matitisod ka ngunit may mga damong makakapitan at ang mga bulaklak - sila ang magagandang alaala. isipin mong parte lamang ang kahapon sa kinakaharp mo ngayon, at sa kakaharapin mo bukas. huwag kang matakot sa layo ng paroroonan, sa kawalang katiyakan at sa kawalang hanggang paglalakbay… ikaw ang gagawa ng sarili mong hakbang… at bawat hakbang ay marapat na pag-isipan. masaya ang buhay…" - malalim na daan

time’s so fast…i realized i missed half of the most exciting part of life. though, i almost die trying to get the ‘F-U-N’ fun feeling, it seems so lacking pa rin.

days from now i’m off UP and i will be done with college life… i’m not sure if it’s a good thing, though i’m very much certain i’m proud to have accomplished something… (still, got this achy feeling it’s not enough…) –sighs–

heheh! but i’m looking forward to my huge break… ‘coz that’s the only part where i can say, YES!!! pwede na matulog na mahabang panahon!!! hehehe… miseries have yet to come… work setting is 100 times different from school. (however, my worries must be left hidden for now…i am trying not be half-empty all the time)

Today, i’m working on a case (Analyze this)… as usual, im lost for ideas, my eyes were droopy, my brain cells deactivated, my mind–> entirely shut down… kamusta naman yon??? para akong nanganganak ng hangin!!! hay… matindi pa sa 10 elepante, mas masarap pa yatang kumain ng apoy…

i am just so not me today… though i manage to become happy seeing bobby flay won again in the IRON chef America… heheh!!! plus, thank god naman nakatikim ulit ako ng mangga with bagoong (after so many years of missing it).

heheheheh! life seems so patterned already… hope tomorrow i can be productive… i can only hope.

These does not make any sense… but these thoughts I scribbled on my notepad… wala lang magawa…

1. I need another cup of caffeine to stay focused… Para kasing sabaw lang ang laman ng utak ko ngayon!!! you can only imagine…

2. Kinna pressured ‘coz everything will end up soon, that is why I am now sufferring from sleep deprivation. Thinking about the future is a major stressor and pain in the ass… You know the feeling na taeng-tae ka na but you can’t get it out (pardon me for being blunt), that is like you know  you can make something out of nothing but you can’t begin anything… very similar to starting life all over again. Hay… I don’t want to graduate but time is running so fast I can’t even make habol…

3. I had a series of asthma attacks these past few days… more in the morning. I could have at anytime wish to halt the breathing so my pain will be lessened… pero my bestfriend, na itago na lang natin sa pangalang "Seretide inhaler" and "Ventolin rotahaler" always save the best for last… I don’t even know if it was ‘best’ to live anymore when you’re waiting for something na hindi mag-arrive arrive… I’m waiting for divine intervention again…

4. Andaming options ng buhay…. all we have to do is choose… pero super stressful to choose.. lalo na if the varieties were so lame that you don’t want to choose at all or options that were so ‘far from being true’ that you want to choose everything.

5. I guess love always ends up in isolation… each time I thought of being open again, I hold back. Maybe because I can’t see any significance of being committed to someone yet not committed to the relationship. How would you start a relationship like that, eh??! I’m crazy! I have more plans in life than being so involved with someone… The cliche blinds me and the blinding truth stares me on the eye: time will soon bring what is meant to be… =)

WoHOooOOO!!!

officially summer is off… weeeeHH!

so sad that I have to leave katipunan so soon…lahat kasi ng exciting na nangyari sa buhay ko eh don nangyari. and I will miss my peaceful life there…

I don’t want to end college life…not yet!

I’m in deep infierno… ahaha!!! imagine reading the entire novel of el fili because tom you’re gonna report everything from bapor tabo to simoun’s defeat… ahaha!! nung HS eh 1 year diniscuss yun… musta naman??? ngayon, isang araw lang! ahahaha! I hope kaya ng brain cells ko…

summer is fun… kahit mainit at kahit karibok sa pag-gawa ng thesis.

Dapat eh masaya ako ‘coz my sem ends today… ahahah!!! pero dahil i forgot to take vitamins, sick na naman ako… wahahaha! wala na tuloy akong karapatang kumanta ng: "Anong meron ang taong happy…. More energy mas happy!…." ehehhe!

" How can I make you mine? "

– Only You (can make this world seem right)

…if aging were so valuable, why do people always say "Oh if I were young again." You never hear people say, "I wish I were sixty-five."

…you know what that reflects? Unsatisfied life. Unfulfilled lives. Lives that haven’t found meaning. Because if you’ve found meaning in your life, you don’t want to go back. You want to go forward. You want to see more, do more.

"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things. the way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."

– Mitch Albom from "Tuesdays with Morrie"

— what he says can never be more than true… many of us were so preoccuppied with nonsense things that we tend to forget what purposes lie behind all those doings. The mistakes we have had makes us a better person… and that’s its meaning… can’t we be more thankful that it is so?