Barbie Doll
I always wanted to grow up… when I was still at that period of time when a girl should enjoy playing her barbie doll, I played textcards and waterguns, kiting and habulan. That was so fun I could still smell my clothes stink. My only dream then was for my mother to buy me a toy- green telephone toy I once spotted at the store. I could have asked my mother to buy me that one, but I didn’t try. On one hand, I don’t want my mother to spend a penny on me. On the other hand, she would definitely say no (why bother ask?)! Sweet girl!
I always wanted to grow up… and become a doctor. That’s my ambition. Well, at least all my autographs can attest to that. But doctors used needles and force me to drink medicines I swear to God tastes like crap! Holy crap! And so suddenly I want to become a teacher. But my grade school teacher smacked a stick on my hands because I forgot to cut my nails. So I dismissed the idea of becoming one. I heard my sister wanted to become a journalist, it sounds good to the ears so I decided I also want to dream somebody else’s dream. I am such a copycat. But I finally got the chance to design my own ambition.
Friends call me Aelle. I must say some of them have already forgotten what my real name is. Being in an environment where ‘voices’ matters, ‘opinions’ play significant role and ‘principles’ are the defining characteristics, I choose to become different. I am a full time student, a shaper of my own reality and a lover of wisdom. I am definitely not a grown up person… not yet… haven’t matured a bit. And probably that’s the reason why I am oftentimes misunderstood. I major in business management for awhile but shifted to study social studies for good. Categorically, I enjoy the subjectivity of social studies because that gives me more satisfaction, freedom and open me up from different perspectives. The context of Philosophy is quiet beyond comprehension and that bothers me since I am an average thinker only. I choose Psychology as my minor prerogative and find my self loving it. People tend to throw stones with the field I choose to be a part of. It may not be as demanding as other courses are, but it is my chosen profession. It is a big thing for me. Most of the time, I contemplate on things that didn’t matter for some people. But small things matters great to me. I find happiness from simple things and find myself laughing at simple jokes. I am a friend to those who loves me, but definitely not an enemy to those who hates me… I am super in that I fight for what I believe is right. The usual girl who would find simple happiness from clothes, shoes, perfume, gadgets, ‘kare kare’ and ‘sisig’ and a love letter with flowers and chocolates, but I must say I am intrinsically different. Material things are prosthetics; they masquerade and define ‘beautiful’ things about you yet dismissing your real personality. I love people but I’d rather be a homebody than be with a cluttered crowd (I was a party pooper before, but since I am deprived of sleep I choose to stay at home instead). I am open for criticisms because they are considered as complements. I value my family first, career/acads second, friends’ third and love life last. My parents are my inspiration. I always ask myself what is in them that where it removed I am nothing. It is the same respect and admiration that a daughter would feel for her parents whom she loves so dearly. It is a ‘wonder’ how their tandem has supported and raise six of us their children. And so I quote from my bestfriend’s words “They are God’s Gift.” Though it has been taken the other way around in that we should be God’s gift to them, I say they are God’s gift to us even prior my and my siblings existence. My faith, my family and my commitment are the core foundation of my happiness. Mistakes strengthen me and make me a better person. Hence, I’m not scared of being last, lowest or a loser. In this game of life, I fight, I endure and I move on…
I always wanted to grow up… so I can ponder on so many things that were so often disregarded by many people. And be able to say with might and pride that life is worth reminiscing.
—Life must be understood backward. But it must be lived forward.
- Soren Kierkegaard
